Saturday, April 22, 2006

Whoosh! Right Down the toilet.

The phone rings. It's 2pm two days after the full moon. I answer it because Noah can sleep through anything. It's Evan, my sister's loving fiance. The rich one who supposedly knocked her up. He's on his cell phone outside my old apartment wondering how come I'm not home on a Sunday afternoon. Right. I am home on a Sunday afternoon. So I tell him to F off, all nice like, but he just calls right back. The jerk. He's looking for our folks because the wedding is supposed to be next Sunday and he's worried they're going to miss the rehearsal dinner and besides, he brought my maid of honor gown.

I haven't heard from Dad since he went fang and I sent him over to the strip joint. Noah said he heard Dad got arrested for trying to bite a police officer, but I called the jail where they hold paranormal offenders and found out he didn't actually bite anyone. He just threatened to bite some stupid kid who tried to roust him outside the bar. Last I heard, he was starting up a hedge fund for some of the Strata +1's and that Tiber Korzha is after him for not clearing the activity with him first. Mom called once to say she hasn't heard from Toni, a second time to say she'd meet a real gentleman and a third time to say she'd gotten married. To a Dumont. Jesus H. Christ! Is she insane? Yes. Then Toni called to ask me, in all seriousness, if I wouldn't mind being in this movie she's making. All I had to do was turn into a werewolf and pretend to bite her. So, I said sure, but I'm not going to pretend, and she says, OK, but would I mind being naked? Ew!

OK, so, I'm on the phone with Evan wondering if I should send him over to the strip joint to look for Dad. I forgot to mention, he's a part owner now and looking to expand the franchise. All of a sudden, he's bawling that my sister has dumped him and the wedding's off. The baby isn't his, it's his father's, and can he come over because he really, really needs to know how to get her back. Noah started laughing and he took the phone away from me and gave him our effing address.


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