Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Just shoot me now

Two days ago, Dear old Dad called me at 5:30 am. He wanted to know if Mom was with me. Uh, technically, no. Which meant I was totally OK with telling him to F off. Only, he didn't because he's used to that backtalk from me. I should have shocked him by being nice. One thing I didn't realize until about twenty minutes into his speech, possibly because no one actually mentioned it, is that Toni of the Wonder Boobs is Toni-my-Dad's-girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend I guess. You guessed it. My mother stole my father's girlfriend. Now, Toni, as you may recall, is working at a vampire strip joint. And I should also mention that my Mom has been going to yoga and Pilates while she's been in town living off Toni's wages of sin AND she's acquired a pair of Wonder Boobs herself. Plus, she dyed her hair platinum blonde and goes around telling everyone I'm her younger sister.

I'm telling this all out of order. But anyway, Mom went to see Toni's act last week and now she works there, too. Noah went to check out the happy couple and when he came back after a really long time (he was with the lying cheating liar dog) Noah said they're both hot. He saved himself from certain death by immediately saying he likes mine better. He still slept on the couch that night. So, anyway, who shows up on my doorstep about an hour ago?

Dad. But it's way not what you're thinking because nobody could imagine anything like the truth. Seems he actually got into town yesterday, but he ended up getting cornered by some femme fang on his way to the hotel and being clueless about this town, now he's a vampire. I told him where the club was because I know he likes Wonder Boobs and free drinks.

So, he should be there about now. I wonder how it's going?


At 4/13/2006 06:45:00 PM, Blogger Crimson Fan said...

Elle why didn't you go to the club with Noah? I met J there and it was wild. Ms Wonder Boobs is hot. You're mom's not quite as pretty but I can see why your mom would steal Toni from dear old dad. Poor Noah, I can't believe he had to sleep on the couch. Necro got his own personal lap dance when he got to my place ;-).

Dad's in trouble if he knows nothing of this city. I can't imagine being a rogue fang will go well for any of your family. Hope he is a fast learner.

Full moon tonight & u might want to lock down. I heard there are some dogs who are not thrilled with you jumping them the other night.


At 4/13/2006 09:16:00 PM, Blogger Vendhetta said...

Elle, your family is so incredibly dysfunctional! It's like you have your very own soap opera.
Your poor papa. How's he taking to his new fangs?

Guess everyone's out howling tonight so..back to the demon in my bed.

At 4/13/2006 10:19:00 PM, Blogger Elle said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 4/13/2006 10:20:00 PM, Blogger Elle said...

Soap Opera? No, it's hell. Did I fail to mention dear undead Dad tried to bite me? Noah beat him off. Can you say gross? I haven't heard from anyone since un-Dad headed off to the strip joint. Whoa. What's that weird sound?

Ah! I know. Peace and quiet.


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